There are two rites of spring that always result in ghoulish or tragic results (and I’m not referring to the numerous misguided attempts to stage the Stravinsky ballet in countless senior citizen centers across America).
No, I’m talking real ghoulishness and tragedy here. Real wrath of God, Hell in a handbasket stuff.
First, of course, is the questionable Good Friday tradition of nailing one’s self to a cross and parading up and down the main street of your town to replicate the agony of Christ’s crucifixion. This upcoming holiday rite of spring is especially popular in the Philippines and in certain sections of West Virginia. While apparently good news for a struggling home improvement store industry, this act of foolish penitence usually ends badly for all who join the brotherhood of hammer, wood and nail. Stayed tuned, kids. Good Friday footage on all the news cable networks is coming your way on April 10th!
The second frightening rite of spring has now reared its ugly head on the streets of beautiful downtown Bridgeport. And that horrific rite of spring is hordes of drunken St. Patrick impersonators destroying anything that remotely resembles a snake.
My trusty Bridgeport city hall source “Gag Reflex” reports that the lack of a broadcast signal from Soundview Cable Access Channel 77 during the evening of March 17 was due to a horde of drunken Saint Patrick impersonators who stormed into the State Street broadcast studios and ripped out all the electrical cords – believing them to be snakes!
Some of you regular channel 77 viewers out there were most likely angered and saddened by the last night’s lack of fine quality broadcasting on the public access channel. I’ve spent many happy hours watching channel 77 programming, but last night found me watching my St. Paddy’s Day TV favorite “Suck of The Irish”. No, it’s not on adult pay-for-view. It’s the Lifetime Network’s annual broadcast of a heartfelt drama about a Dublin family of vacuum cleaner salesmen and the women who love them. Heartwarming stuff for a chilly St. Paddy’s Day night! And as there was no “Darby O’Gill and The Little People” to watch, I had limited viewing options. And ”Suck of The Irish” it was.Anyway, “Gag Reflex”, who in addition to holding a high level position in Bridgeport city hall, also works part time as a janitor at the Soundview cable studios, provided me with the exclusive video of the crime. This exclusive video evidence of the Bridgeport St. Paddy’s Day snake shenanigans comes directly from the Soundview security camera.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwGlTlmfz6o
First the city hall theft, then the Liza Parziale Stop & Shoplift scandal, and now this.… Where will it end?
Take a bite out of crime. Snake tastes just like chicken.
Blogus Ridiculum
PT
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